Dear GREs

Dear GREs,

You make me feel despondent* and obtuse.* The very thought of meeting you again (this Friday, 6pm) causes my visage* to whince and my stomach to turn. If I have been wrong all these years and there is a god, I implore* him (her?) to come to my assitance so that my score shall not be so egregious* as the last time I encountered you. I feel daunted, yet the rivers of my spirit have not been entirely desiccated.* I shall not let your impossibly imperious* list of words-to-know restrict my entrance into graduate school, but rather, shall dominate and use it as a glittery, marvelous conduit* to row right into PhD-dom.

HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?!

(All words with a * are GRE words!)

Sincerely,

ECK

P.S. If you could make comfier sound-eliminating headphones available that would be cool too.

Not much else to say here except ETS SUCKS. Thanks for all the arbitrary measurements of what I've spent the last 4 years and 100k working on. Oh and YOU ARE WELCOME for my $320. I hope you're ebullient.*

Dear the Megabus

Dear the Megabus,

More like mega BUST! I am rather offended at your shrewd yet over-the-top attempt to kill me over Thanksgiving. Nice try, but like most animals with a nose, I am able to quite easily detect toxic gas emissions.

*coughcough*

ECK

SO. The ride to- not bad, really. The ride fro? Imagine a gas chamber on wheels. I'm serious. Mr. Busdriver assures us that "nothing is wrong with this bus!" after the whole rootin-tootin thing has literally filled with smoke twice (after 3 blocks, mind you)! The MB website tagline should read, "Megabus: The Government's Newest Attempt to Get Rid of Poor People." I and several others who are not fans of latent brain damage opted out. Next stop: Full refund!